Is it OK to MICRO-manage our kids ?

As a parent to two growing boys (13 & 5 years old) in these times we have often heard many of us say that it is our duty to protect our child from all suffering. This justifies us getting involved in every aspect of their lives. However, if we give it a thought and think again, we would realize that this was not exactly the way we were brought up in the 90’s in India.

So the obvious question that comes to my mind is why should we do something which is exactly opposite to what happened to us as kids? Are we not successful? Have we not come far from where we started? More importantly are we not good and happy human beings?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not against kids living and enjoying all the luxuries of our times especially when you reside in a country like UAE. However, I am not in favour of over-protective and over-involved parents. Needless to say, that there are exceptions everywhere and some of us are definitely doing a very good job in bringing up self-reliant and mature kids in this world.

I remember when I was in school, the only interaction that my parents (and almost all my class mates’ parents) had with my school was during the parents-teachers meeting. Whatever we all achieved in the school was because of what we did and how we managed ourselves in the school. There were no WhatsApp groups or any common platform for our parents to interact and monitor daily activities.

Today when I browse through the worried WhatsApp messages of my child’s class WhatsApp group, I would wonder and ask myself some questions: –

1. Who is actually studying – whether it is us (parents) or the kids?
2. Why are we (parents) even worried regarding whether the submission of an assignment is today or tomorrow?
3. Why are we (parents) trying to find out the syllabus for the exam for our kids?
4. Why are we (parents) writing daily emails to teachers and supervisors asking for help for the kid?
5. Why are we not allowing our kids to fall and learn from their mistakes?
6. Why is it so important for us as parents to ensure that our children always do well?
7. Why are we not allowing them to learn the lessons of life on their own?
8. How long do we think that we can actually hold their hands and make them clear the finish lines?
9. Why is it so important for us that our kids become a social media star at this age? What good will it do for them? How long will it last?

Please do not get me wrong, I am not at all criticizing any of us and it is just every individual way of life and what our individual priorities are. However please do give it a thought and think about these questions.        

From my point of view and I am sure that I may not be 100% correct but it is just a point of view:

1. As my kids go to school and not I; I would prefer that the daily interaction happens between my kids and the teacher rather than between myself and the teacher.
2. If my kids are not paying attention in the class, I would prefer that he gets exposed in the beginning and mends his ways rather than I help him cover it up and it develops it into a habit.
3. If they have any problems, I would rather have my kids sort it out for them and not have me writing emails to the teachers and supervisors on a regular basis asking them to intervene.
4. I would prefer that they go through the learning curve on their own.
5. For me, my kids’ success is not my prestige issue. Success or failure at this stage means nothing as in either case the only thing that they continue to be doing is work even harder.

While I leave you with the above points for you to ponder; I am sure that a lot more can be done, said and written, and try to help our kids by not getting too involved in their lives and letting them find their own likes and dislikes, friends and foes and most importantly let them FALL and then help them to get up, dust down and run again.

Trust me they will be better off when we let them be by themselves.

Mr Anind Raj

(Parent)